reflections: the first
september & starting again
Today is the first day of September. I am not a student this year, but every year, no matter what, September brings with it that back to school buzz for me - the anxiety, the excitement, the feeling of changing seasons and new starts and having so, so much ahead.
On the first of September last year, I had just finished my master’s dissertation and was still struggling to process the immenseness of how it felt to complete something so big, the exhaustion and burnout I was experiencing, and also the strange feeling of loss I felt about no longer working on something that had been the centre of my life for a year. I had also just moved to a new house, and was so excited to explore my new neighbourhood, spend time with my new housemates, and, honestly, just to have a place to live in the middle of a housing crisis. Six months later when my lease would end and I would find myself moving again, I would be relieved to get out of this house, but at the start, it was wonderful. That day I did not yet know that the next day, I would be unexpectedly hospitalised, and spend a miserable week in hospital being treated for a newly diagnosed, severe chronic illness that would dominate the subsequent year of my life.
Now it is september again, and I am still here. Things are never easy, but they are better. After a year of struggling, suffering, and spending a lot of time in hospitals and doctor’s offices, I’ve finally started to feel alive again, and been able to live my life more normally. Not that I expect things to be easy or perfect, certainly not cured, but it feels good to be able to say that things are better. Most of all, I feel like I am finally ready to try writing again, getting back to something I’ve wanted to do for months, but I have not known where or how to start.
On the first day of each month recently, I’ve tried to take a bit of time to reflect on the month that has just ended, and to set a few goals for myself for the month to come. One of my goals for this month is to write a few things, which I will be sharing here. I don’t expect it will be anything very serious or big, maybe this will lead me back to academic writing after feeling so burnt out, maybe it won’t, but it’s a start! I’m not sure if anyone will read any of this, but if you decide to read/subscribe I would be very grateful. Some of my posts might be reflections like this one, but I’d also like to talk about culture, share areas of interest, etc. We’ll see where we go from here. Thanks for reading <3